


i watched you change

by cyndario



Series: Ride or Die With Me [1]
Category: Saints Row
Genre: Alternate Origin Story, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Stripper/Exotic Dancer, Crushes, F/F, F/M, Gang Violence, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:48:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21647821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyndario/pseuds/cyndario
Summary: i’ve watched a changein youit’s like you neverhad wingsnow you feelso alivei watched you changedeftones - change
Series: Ride or Die With Me [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1560628
Kudos: 10





	1. 1.

_Stilwater, 2002_

“Don’t be so nervous, honey. Remember what we practiced. You’ll be fine.”

The slightly older woman hugged her quickly, rubbing her shoulders to try and rid her of her jitters. It helped, causing her to smile back as she did the same for her. A random stagehand walked by and motioned towards the stage as he continued getting in position. 

“Tessa—you’re up in thirty seconds.” 

“Got it.” Tessa answered quickly, goosebumps crawling back up along her arms. Onyx gave a soft smile as she took her face in her hands, running her thumb along her chin. 

“No matter what you focus on the music. Don’t let them scare you.” 

“I won’t.” She muttered, nodding with slightly more confidence than before. Onyx pulled her close into another hug as she smiled. 

“That’s my girl.” she beamed, pulling away to look her over one last time. 

The loudspeaker crackled back to life, the announcer jovial as he began their introductions. 

“Gentlemen, have we got a treat for you tonight….”

Onyx fell back off the stage, leaving the young woman alone to get into position. Tessa sat down slowly on the chair center stage while the announcer droned on. She looked over to see Onyx flashing her a thumbs up in assurance while they counted down to the curtain rising. 

“Please welcome to the stage for her first solo… _Tessa_.” 

The curtains rose just as Tessa took her breath, the music fading away as the bright light shone in her eyes. She wanted to panic—felt it starting—but Onyx’s voice in her mind grounded her. 

_Focus on the music._

Tessa felt the bass of the song course through her chest as she began her routine, rolling her shoulders coyly while becoming engrossed in the choreography. She glanced out across the crowd quickly while taking her first step, rolling her hips as she made her way to the pole ten feet away. 

She listened to a few men call out, some rowdy as she spun a bit, surprising many with the fluid transition that had her climbing the pole before them. 

For the next four minutes, Tessa arched and wound her body on and around that pole. The cheers steadily grew as they admired her flexibility and control over her body with daring moves. As her routine was coming to its end, Tessa dropped into a split before a particularly enthused patron, allowing him to pass along the bill in his hand to her own before she once again caused a cheer for rolling backwards back onto her feet. 

The final melodies of the song began to fade, and Tessa made her way back towards the chair she had abandoned in the beginning of her routine. Stradling atop it backwards, she waved her fingers slowly to the crowd while the curtains closed and concealed her from view. 

Tessa sat still for a few moments while the DJ remarked her performance, engaging with the crowd as he did so. Before she could stand fully, Onyx rushed the stage to hug her. 

“I am _so_ proud of you babygirl!” she squealed, grabbing her hands and pulling her off towards the changing rooms. 

“C’mon—there’s three more performances and then we walk the floor. Do you wanna change into something different?” 

“Should I?” 

“It’s up to you, baby. You comfortable?” Onyx asked, arms wrapping around her shoulder. Tessa looked down at her tight shorts and bikini top and decided it wasn’t necessary to change. 

“Yeah. I’m good.” Tessa answered softly, nodding once to convince herself 

“Good. Ahhhhh, I am so proud of you!” Onyx squealed again, bringing her into a quick hug. Tessa kept her smile at bay as Onyx beamed with pride. “Did you improvise a few steps? I don’t remember some of those stretches or flips in your earlier practices.” 

“Yeah, just felt right at the moment, y’know?” 

“Well shit, it worked.” Both women turned around to see one of the bouncers—Alicia—bringing forth an envelope full of bills. “Your earnings you weren’t able to pick up after your set.” 

Tessa’s smile widened as she grabbed the sealed pack, feeling the subtle weight from the amount of money inside. “Thank you.” 

“No problem, babe. You guys gonna stay back here?” 

“Yeah, just until it’s time to walk the floor.” Onyx answered up, pulling out her make up bag to touch up her face. 

“Mind if I take my break here with you?” Alicia asked, her gaze shifting from Tessa to Onyx’s eyes through the vanity mirror. 

“Girl—you ain’t even gotta ask.” Onyx scoffed, a good natured smile upturning her lips. She glanced over absently at Tessa placing her money in her locker and locking it shut. Good girl. 

As Tessa turned around, Alicia pulled Tessa to her by her waist, her larger frame nearly engulfing her. 

“When you gon dance like that for me?” Alicia whispered, her voice husky as she caught her bottom lip between her teeth. Tessa giggled as she leaned into her hold, dragging her fingers lightly across Alicia’s shoulders. 

“When you pay like the rest of them, baby.” 

Alicia laughed as she nuzzled into Tessa’s neck, patting her on the rear before letting her go. Tessa and Onyx laughed along with her, all three women relaxing as the rush from Tessa’s first successful dance died down. They continued to talk and joke with one another as time ran on until Alicia was needed back on the floor and it was just the two of them. Onyx was touching up Tessa’s make up for her while a few of the other girls wandered in and out of the changing room. 

“After we walk the floor we’ll be closing up. You up to grab something to eat after or you just wanna head home?” Onyx asked softly, applying a light amount of powder to her nose. 

“You know my fat ass is hungry—wanna hit up the mall?” She suggested quickly, already knowing where she’d stop to sate her late night cravings. 

“You and those damn gyros.” Onyx laughed, but Tessa didn’t deny it as she laughed along with her. 

“Look, they’re good okay? Shit.” Her laughter clouded her words and Onyx simply rolled her eyes as she finished her work. 

“Uh huh.” 

Just then, a voice called out from the doorway to, “Ladies! We’re heading out in ten.” 

Tessa felt a new wave of jitters crawl up her arms, and Onyx noticed her easy smile had fallen. 

“You wanna stick close to me?” 

“No… I’ll be alright. You’ve done enough for me tonight; I don’t want to fuck up you getting paid.” 

“I’m good. Besides; there was a dude who was watching you _hard_ during your set. If he’s still out there, he might be a good first to head over to.” Onyx said simply, dabbing her nose one last time with the end of her powder brush playfully. Tessa smiled at the action, her nerves lessening a bit.

She could do this.

* * *

“See him over there?” Onyx whispered, pointing towards a table with two men sitting down nursing drinks. One was wearing shades and looked relaxed, meanwhile the guy next to him seemed like he was looking for something… or _someone,_ and was failing at being subtle. 

“Which one?” 

“The nervous looking one. He already turned down one of the girls. I think he’s looking for you.” 

“Forreal?” Tessa wasn’t expecting that, and she hoped she didn’t mess this up.

“Better get your money, honey.” 

Tessa steeled her shoulders as she and Onyx made their way towards the floor with a few other girls. Everyone was giggling and talking to one another but once they got to a certain distance a silence fell among them. When they rounded the final corner and emerged under the bright colored lights they dispersed in half a dozen directions. Tessa did her best to not look so nervous and as she got closer to the men Onyx pointed out she noticed they were wearing that symbol she remembered being tagged on a couple street corners. 

Tessa knew there was a possibility that she’d be around gangbangers working here, but she hoped whoever they were was a better alternative than Rollerz… or Los Carnales. 

Onyx was pulled into the lap of one of her regulars, and as she settled into his embrace she glanced over her shoulder to see Tessa hesitate and linger near the stage. Motioning with a jab of her chin, she mouthed for her to ‘go get him’ before returning her attention back to the man wrapping his arms around her waist. 

Tessa steeled her shoulders as she took a deep breath, zoning in on the man who, once he caught her eye, hadn’t been able to look away. She made sure to keep her steps light and relax her face to be inviting as she got closer to his table. 

“You looking for company, baby, or should I keep walking?” Tessa asked softly, leaning along the wooden surface to take in the men sitting there. The more nervous of the two visibly relaxed, his breath leaving him as he looked her over. 

“How long can I steal you away for?” He asked, a wad of bills sliding along the granite in her direction. Tessa noticed the thickness of the stack and her smile became more genuine as she came closer, straddling along his thighs while slipping the bills in the elastic beneath her shorts.

“You got me for the moment.” She answered him smoothly, rolling her hips as she rose herself slightly so as not to grind on him completely. The man sitting beside him watched on from behind his shades, his grin wide even as he sipped his drink. 

“What’s your name, baby boy?” Tessa asked, drawing a light line along the arch of his brow. 

“Troy.” He whispered quickly, and Tessa smiled as she turned around to press her back along his front. She continued undulating her hips, guiding his hands within her own as she turned to regard him over her shoulders. She saw how his throat bobbed as his gaze seemed to be everywhere at once. She kept her laugh to herself, instead smiling gently while she continued his lap dance. 

“I don’t recognize the set you reppin’.” Tessa stated softly, watching as the man beside them stiffened, his enigmatic smile fading as he set his drink upon the table. His curiosity was piqued at her hushed words, wondering how his boy was going to respond. 

“That a problem, love?” Troy answered quickly, hesitation stifling his movements. Tessa stood for a moment to reposition herself again, leaning forward to whisper in his ear. 

“Nah, no problem at all.” She leaned back as she lightly flicked his nose, Troy’s eyes fluttering in confusion. The scene caused the silent man beside them to chuckle. Tessa glanced at him briefly, noting the tattoos that crawled along the skin of his neck, the fade of his haircut and that smug look that was evident even from behind his shades. Taking in Troy beneath her, she blinked slowly before she looked around them. Leaning in close again, she grazed her nose along the skin of his cheek before her lips settled right at the crest of his ear. 

“So how long you been waiting for me?” Tessa whispered, leaning back to continue rolling her hips to the beat of the music. 

“Was I that obvious?” Troy’s thumbs grazed her skin as he laughed, moving the digits back and forth along the edge of her shorts. Tessa felt the skin beneath his touch prickling in goosebumps, a sharp inhale intensifying the flutter in her chest. 

“Just a little.” She whispered and Troy sighed heavily as he shook his head. 

“I’m not making you uncomfortable, am I?” His voice gentle. 

“I wouldn’t be grinding on you if you were.”

“Well, I mean you’re new. You can’t really afford to be picky.” 

Tessa halted her movements as she arched her brow, taking in how cavalier he said those words, feeling her ears heating in anger. She stood abruptly as her emotions got the best of her, a scowl forming across her face. 

“Thanks for the dance, Troy.” She waved briskly before walking away, her pride hurt. Troy sighed as he ran a hand down his face. His silent comrade finally chirped up after watching their exchange as he drained the last of his mug. 

“Fuck did you _say_?” 

“Nothin’! Shit, why is it always my fault, Gat?” Troy answered quickly, taking a sip of his beer before running his hand over his face. Shit what _did_ he say wrong? 

“I can’t never take yo’ ass _nowhere_ —always ruining the mood and shit.” Johnny muttered, rising from his seat to head back to the bar. He shoulda just spent the night with Aisha—this fool don’t ever know how to act. 


	2. 2.

Tessa grit her teeth as she stomped back towards the locker room, stumbling over her herself as she attempted to rip her damn heels off. 

Plopping into a vacant seat before the vanity she ran her fingers through her hair, closing her eyes to try and calm herself down. She groaned as she lowered her head into her hands, frustration eating away at her. 

“Fuck fuck _fuck_.” She whined, hating how easily she let herself get psyched out. Looking at her reflection, she dabbed at a tear before it streaked her face, breathing deeply as she continued to try and calm down. 

“Baby girl; you alright?” Onyx’s voice was soft, worry laced in her tone. Tessa stood up abruptly as she plastered a fake smile. 

“Y-yeah! I’m fine!” She shrugged, clearing her throat as she kept her hands behind her back. She knew her fidgeting would give her away so she attempted to hide it; Onyx however, wasn’t buying it.

“Did that boy try some shit with you? I’ll get one of—.” 

“No!” Tessa blurted quickly, nearly tripping over herself to take a step forward. Once she caught her balance, she tried again. “I mean… it’s fine. I just got into my own head.” She muttered, and Onyx’s face softened as she came closer to pull her into a hug. 

“Sometimes it’s hard to connect with them… but if he or any other fucker makes you feel uncomfortable you don’t owe them shit.” She fussed, watching as Tessa rolled her eyes. 

“Thank you, _mom.”_

“I’m serious! Do I need to get Alicia since you don’t wanna listen to me?” The thought of having to explain to Alicia’s overprotective self as to why she ran off the floor made her cringe. 

“No, please don’t get her. I’ll be alright. Just… gonna stay back here until he leaves and I’ll try again.” She offered, pulling away to resettle in front of the vanity to attempt to fix her makeup. Onyx took this as her cue to leave her be, so she started leaving. Before she left, she looked back into Tessa’s eyes through the mirror. 

“Don’t let no man mess with your check.” Onyx advised seriously, and Tessa smiled as she nodded in understanding. 

“Never that, mama.”


	3. 3.

“Next in line?” Tessa hurriedly picked up her backpack and slung it across her shoulders as she stepped towards the financial aid counter. The woman behind the counter barely registered that Tessa was before her, steadily typing away at her computer. Clearing her throat, Tessa waited to see if the woman would acknowledge her. With a pointed stare, the advisor finally looked up from her screen.

“Welcome. What brings you in today?” The woman didn’t bother hiding her disinterest, her focus more on what Tessa was wearing than listening to her when she finally looked up from her screen. 

“I’m making a tuition payment.” Tessa felt her ears getting hot but kept her voice level.

“And I’m assuming you’re making an installment payment, correct?” She asked, brows lifting as she took in her words. 

“Incorrect—I’m here to pay the remaining balance.” Tessa replied again, her voice deceptively calm. This office had been nothing but a headache for her for the past four years.

The woman’s lips turned up in a sardonic smile before she said, “I need your student identification number or your social to look you up in the system.” Tessa provided the necessary information softly, waiting as the woman before her typed on her keyboard to pull up the information Tessa already knew. 

“Lets see here… ah! There you are. It looks like this is the only thing hindering the receipt of your diploma, too.” Tessa made sure to school her face into one of indifference so as not to feed into her so obvious catty remark. “So your remaining balance is going to be… one thousand eight hundred ninety four dollars and fifty cents. Are you paying with a check or money order? And just so you’re aware—there’s a reprocessing fee for insufficient funds.” 

“Cash.” Tessa’s reply was quick and the advisor nearly shook her head in confusion.

“Excuse me?” 

“I’m paying in cash.” Tessa pulled her wallet out of her bag, pulling a hefty wad out and unwrapping the bands. With her fingers posed to count, she looked the woman square in her eyes as she asked, “Could you repeat the number again for me?” 

The advisor stumbled over herself to repeat it, watching in disbelief as Tessa quickly counted out exactly nineteen hundred dollars and slid it curtly across the counter. “May I have a receipt… once I get my change back?” 

The advisor huffed as she went in the back to get change, and Tessa smiled as she rested her elbow on the counter while she waited. She heard muffled voices from the advisor speaking to someone else, then the quick clacking of her cheap heels as she returned back to the front. 

“Here you are—your change and your receipt. Is there anything else I can assist you with?” Tessa liked the way her voice wavered now, how unsure she sounded. Fucking with uppity assholes always made her feel better. 

“Are there any other obligations I owe this school notated on file?” Tessa asked lazily, eyelids lowered as a smile crept up across her own face. 

“... This was the last item.” The woman coughed, her eyes now completely focused on Tessa’s. 

“And when exactly can I expect my diploma?” Tessa’s voice remained soft, that cocky undertone flustering the woman before her further.

“It will be sent via the postal service to the address on record within the next two to three weeks.” Tessa’s smile was genuine now as she readjusted the bag on her shoulder while she pushed herself away from the counter.

“That’s what I like to hear.” Waving over her shoulder, Tessa gave the flustered woman one last look as she exit the doors of the financial aid building for the last time. 

Walking out into the afternoon sun, Tessa smiled to herself as she made her way towards the sidewalk so she could catch the next bus. With an excited giggle, she spared another look at the enormity of the university campus before turning away for good. 

“Well, good riddance then, huh?”


	4. 4.

Over the next few months, Tessa grew more confident in her dancing and eventually the memories of her first night were a thing of the past. Her shift had just ended, she and the other girls were changed and ready to go home. Tessa was bundled up, barefaced and hair pinned to the top of her head in a messy bun. She was never happier to be in some high top sneakers as she was then—her feet were killing her. 

_ “You sure you don’t want me to drive you, honey? I don’t mind.” Onyx looked at her worriedly, hesitating before getting into her car as she tried to persuade her friend to let her drive her home. Alicia stood not too far off, arms crossed over her chest as she too wished that Tessa would take the ride, if not from Onyx then herself.  _

_ “Nah, you two get home safe. The bus stop right down the street, I’ll be aight.” Tessa smiled as if everything would be fine, but that didn’t help settle Onyx’s nerves at all.  _

_ “It’s late, Tessa.” She reasoned, but Tessa sucked her teeth at her comments.  _

_ “And the sky is blue—you ain’t telling me nothing I don’t already know.” Softening her voice, Tessa came forward and pulled Onyx into a hug, poking her on the nose once she released her from her hold. “Look, you don’t have to worry. I’ll call when I make it back, okay?”  _

_ “Promise?” Alicia spoke up this time, her voice rough as she tried to mask her worry. Tessa looked at her too, smiling sweetly as she nodded.  _

_ “Yes, I promise.”  _

Tessa replayed the conversation in her head as she took in the sights around her. Maybe she should have taken them up on their offer; too late now, though. 

A woman beckoned her over as she got within her view, but Tessa shook her head. She was pretty, but she wanted to keep her newly earned stack in her pocket for a little longer. 

Voices from further ahead grew louder, causing both of them to turn in that direction. Rollerz and Vice Kings were getting into a shouting match—nothing new—but then one of the Rollerz hit a Vice boy upside his head with a baseball bat and all bets were off. 

It was almost like the ensuing brawl happened in slow motion and double time all at once. Tessa and the woman watched as a full on trainwreck happened in front of them while trying to stay out of sight and out of mind. A car full of Los Carnales rolled up locked and loaded and that’s when shit really got down. Rollerz and Vice Kings pulled their pieces out in retaliation but that just turned it into more of a shit show. Nearly everyone was dead within seconds. Tessa barely made it behind a car in time, and when she tried to make a break for it a lone Vice King got hold of her. 

“What do we have here?” Tessa felt herself whimper as she hoped he would just magically disappear, but when she felt his rough grip on the back of her neck pulling her from the ground she struggled. 

“L-let me go.” She grit out, panic swelling in her chest. She felt her eyes prickling with unshed tears. She can’t go out like this. 

“Sorry, no witnesses.” He laughed, lining the gun up with her temple. 

Just as he was going to pull the trigger, Tessa heard the pop of a gun and watched as his body fell to the ground. Tessa nearly screamed as two new figures approached, her nerves completely shot to hell. Falling to her knees, she curled in on herself, hoping they’d realize she was unarmed and just let her go.

“Hey, hey, hey baby girl. You alright?” An older voice asked, softly so as not to startle her any further. 

“Julius, we need to get outta here.” Another muttered; his voice sounded familiar but Tessa wasn’t sure from where. 

“We not that damn heartless we can’t make sure she alright, boy.” The older voice admonished before turning his attention back towards her cowering form. “Can you stand?” 

“Y-yes s-sir.” She whispered, feeling as her limbs shook while she made to stand on her feet. Julius, the older one, kept his hand on the crook of her elbow while she attempted to steady her breathing. He looked her over to make sure she wasn’t hurt, but his partner was less sympathetic.

“Julius, seriously, we should go.” He rushed again, his head on a swivel as he kept an eye out for anyone else. 

“What’s your rush, boy? Don’t you see she need help?” Julius growled, turning to size up the younger man at his back. “See, that there is the reason why the Row has gone to shit. Ain’t nobody willing to help each other anymore.” 

If she wasn’t nearly shot five minutes ago, Tessa would be giggling at this grown man getting fussed out like he was twelve. Instead, she was just trying to keep her breathing level and not look at the nearly dozen bodies that littered the streets. 

“Julius, this isn’t the time to recruit…” The guy tried again, pointing at their surroundings to make Julius see his concern. Cops would be on their way soon—they had to get out while they still could. Julius sighed heavily as he begrudgingly understood, turning back towards the young woman and placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. 

“Look, the Row’s got a problem. Come to the church when you wanna be a part of the solution.” His voice held such conviction, and Tessa nodded as she watched the two of them slip away into the night. 

Bending down, she readjusted her duffle bag onto her shoulders and ran.


	5. 5.

Tessa was wondering what exactly she was doing here, but her feet led her down the Row and she saw the steeple of the old church towering over the city. 

She saw a gathering of figures in purple listening to another speak on the church’s steps. Behind him stood a guy with a cigarette in his mouth, arms folded across his chest while he took in the ‘preaching’ for lack of a better word. 

Tessa walked closer, slipping in between the enraptured strangers as she caught the tail end of what the older man had to say. 

“Rollerz, Carnales, Vice Kings. Ain’t nobody finna make me scared to walk down the street. We finna lock this shit down right now.” 

Everyone started cheering and clapping each other on the back, but then a vaguely tall motherfucker in sunglasses turned in her direction and his mouth pulled back into a snarl. 

“Who the hell is this?” The moment the words left his lips, Tessa felt the gaze of everyone gathered there on her, the tension rising. 

“Troy and I found her, we gon’ see if she can ride.” Julius came further down the steps and directed his attention onto Tessa—who in that moment wanted nothing more than to shrink from view. “I’m glad you could make it, baby girl.” The sincerity in his whisper touched her, but she offered him nothing more than a nod. 

The man’s brow arched at their exchange, hearing the comforting gravel in Julius’ tone as he spoke to her. “Julius if she wants to roll with the Saints she’s gotta be canonized.” Both Julius and Tessa looked back at him, one with confusion and the other in hesitation. 

“He’s right, Julius. Everyone had to do it.” Troy added from atop the church steps, arms crossing over his chest in a challenge. Julius sighed softly, nodding in understanding. He took a few steps away, noting the slight panic that reached her eyes as she began to understand just what the others meant. 

Tessa watched as a circle formed around her of other Saints, some cracking their fingers while others smirked in conceited assurance. She was shorter than most of the people around her—and a little heavier—and she could feel her limbs shaking underneath the oversized hoodie she wore. Julius’ voice was almost regretful as he asked her, 

“You ready for this?” 

Tessa could hardly find it in her to speak before Julius fully stepped away to let the ‘canonizing’ begin.

A woman much taller than she came in heavy with a right hook and Tessa dodged out of the way just in time. She ducked beneath the punch and landed a punch to the center of the other woman’s chest, hearing as she exhaled harshly and fell to the ground. It was a blur after that. Punches and shouts were thrown in such quick succession Tessa was having a hard time concentrating but she used her size to her advantage. It wasn’t until Troy stepped up and caught a defensive punch she threw out of reflex did she realize all the other Saints were on the floor groaning in pain. 

“You earned your colors, ma.” 

Some rando wrapped an arm around her shoulders and laughed in her ear. She flinched under his grip but he didn’t budge. 

“Shit, only other Saint who kicked ass like that was Johnny.” 

“Didn’t take me half as long, though….” 

Julius came down then, a small smile on his face that he tried to hide. He extended his hand out and Tessa tapped her knuckles to his, wincing as she noticed the skin had split. 

“Welcome to the Third Street Saints.” 

What had she just gotten herself into? 


	6. 6.

“Tessa—you got a dude out there looking for you.” Tessa’s face scrunched up in confusion at the statement, looking over the other woman hoping for a little more context. “I honestly didn’t think he’d keep coming back. This the third time this week.” 

“ _Third_?” Tessa couldn’t figure out who she could be talking about… that is until his face conjured up in her head almost immediately and she felt a jilted breath leave her as she pinched the bridge of her nose. 

“White boy? Wears a lot of purple? Constantly smoking?” She asked softly, and the fellow dancer nodded as she ran a sympathetic hand across her shoulder. 

“Sounds like him. Offered me fifty bucks if I brought you to him but I told him we don’t do that kinda shit here. Want me to get one of the boys to throw him out?” 

“Nah, you good. Thank you, Honey. I owe you.” Honey smiled sweetly as she winked at Tessa’s reflection before making her way out. 

“Anything for you, baby.” She called over her shoulder, causing Tessa to shyly avert her gaze as she listened to her footsteps fade away. 

With a resigned sigh, Tessa spared a quick glance in the mirror to check over her appearance before she made her way out the fitting rooms. Once she was on the floor, she relaxed her face as she scanned the area looking for Troy while not looking quite so obvious. He sat with an untouched drink before him and a cigarette between his fingers. They locked eyes momentarily and with the tiniest of movement of his finger he motioned for her to come over. 

Tessa bristled at being summoned but did her best to play it off. As she sauntered over she waved at a patron she recognized from a few nights earlier, stopping momentarily to ask them to save her a dance. The older man chuckled and nodded, going back to sipping his drink as he watched some of the other ladies performing on stage. 

When she reached within arm distance, Tessa leaned down low to speak in Troy’s ear with a snarl. 

“The fuck are you doing here?” Troy took her hostility in stride, relaxing along the cushions as he reached into his pocket to pull out a stack of bills. Sliding a few her way, he waited until she sat down beside him before he spoke further. 

“Julius know you still working here?” He asked softly, and Tessa laughed outright. 

“Julius doesn’t know period—and we’re gonna keep it that way.” Keeping up the appearance of the relaxed patron, Tessa flicked him on the nose, a wicked smile deepening when she saw him flinch. 

“You roll with us now. We need you? You show.” Tessa rolled her eyes at his bravado, settling deeper into his side as she laid a hand on his thigh. 

“Well, I wasn’t ‘summoned’, so what’s the problem?” She purred, watching as Troy grew increasingly flustered. 

“C-Correction—you _were_ —but since you decided to disappear after your induction, guess who gets stuck tryna track you down? Me.” He rushed the words, trying to keep up the farce that he wasn’t affected by her touch but Tessa could see she was getting to him. Reaching her arm around his neck, she leaned as if to kiss him but pulled him forward to whisper dangerously in his ear. 

“Sounds like a personal problem, sugar.” His adam’s apple bobbed with the deep gulp of air he took, and Tessa chuckled in his ear as she put some distance between them. Even in the darkened space she could tell his face was turning a deep shade of red from her actions. 

“I’m curious… how you even know who I was? We didn’t exactly have a sleepover and get to know each other’s darkest secrets after my induction.” 

Troy arched a brow at her question, mouth upticked in a smirk. 

“I got my ways.” 

Tessa smiled at him, resisting the urge to laugh outright as she rolled her eyes. “Whatever you say.” Her fingers continued to trace distracting patterns on the meat of his thigh and Troy could barely concentrate. He needed to change the conversation and fast or else he’s gonna embarrass himself. 

“Some of the boys are convinced you were a goddamn ghost.” 

“... I like that.” Tessa laughed softly, running her fingers through her hair as she breathed deeply. The less they knew about her the better. 

“So why come back?” Troy broke her concentration watching as she shrugged her shoulders. 

“Money is good. Why stop?” 

“So what… you’re gonna be a gangbanging stripper?” Troy laughed aloud at his own thought, not noticing as she tensed beside him. Her gaze narrowed to slits as she unexpectedly threw her leg over his lap, bringing them closer while she leaned down into his ear. 

“You got a problem with me dancing?” Her breath tickled the skin of his ear and Troy tried his best to keep from squirming beneath her. 

“Clearly it’s a distraction.” He grit out, watching as she laughed openly while slowly rolling her hips. 

“The Saints gon’ cover my bills?” She asked quickly, watching as he kept their eyes from meeting. “Yeah, I ain’t think so.” Leaning back, Tessa chuckled darkly at his inability to answer. “Besides, I don’t feel you complaining.” Troy’s breath hitched slightly as she leaned forward, forcing his gaze into her own as she gave him a cocky smile. 

“You grinding on my dick ain’t exactly fair.” Troy quipped, causing Tessa to cut her eyes sharply at him yet again as she concluded her dance. Taking a few steps away, she shrugged noncommittally as she called to him over her shoulder. 

“You’re right; we can talk about this later. I’m sure you can see yourself out.” 

“Tessa.” Troy’s voice was nearly a growl, his frustration evident. Tessa on the other hand couldn’t care less. 

“You be safe heading home, alright?” She feigned hearing how hotly he hissed her name while raising her own to gain the attention of others in the vicinity. Alicia was walking the floor at that moment, arms in her pockets as she strolled closer to make sure there wasn’t anything wrong.

Troy saw he had no other option but to leave so he nodded, made his way to the bar to close his tab, and quickly walked out. Tessa sighed, a smile on her face from making _him_ leave instead of the other way around. 

“You good, babygirl?” Alicia asked, a concerned look in her eye. Tessa’s smile widened as she nodded, her gaze resettling on her friend beside her. 

“Yeah, I’m good. I’ma go freshen up and be back on the floor. I got someone saving me a dance.”


	7. 7.

“Well, well. Look who decides to show back up.” 

Tessa walked into the Old Mission, hair pinned in a messy bun as she resisted the urge to retreat inside the fabric of her hoodie. Julius’ reprimanding tone caught her off guard, her eyes widening as she bit back her need to defend herself. Telling Troy off at the club felt good, but for some reason trying to find that same courage to speak to Julius evaded her. She kept her head up, looking him in the face as she waited for what else he had to say. 

“Almost thought we scared you off.” He whispered jokingly, and Tessa fought off a smile. “Try not to wander off too long next time, alright? You might hurt my feelings.” 

“Of course.” 

Patting her on the shoulder, Julius stepped away to the front of the church, eyes searching for someone in the crowd. 

“Who we waiting on, Julius?” One of the men asked but she wasn’t quite sure who. 

“Sorry I’m late—it was a little harder to shake them today.” 

Tessa felt her head whip towards the source of the voice, finding a woman dressed in blue rushing further inside while checking over her shoulder. A slight flutter in the pit of her stomach began the moment that woman’s eyes briefly locked with her own. 

She couldn’t see anyone else… just kept focusing on the woman who stood in Rollerz colors standing so close to Julius and Dex. There were instructions being given, she knew that much, but it’s like all she wanted was to hear her voice one more time. She blinked rapidly to pull herself out of it, shifting her gaze onto the floor while everything around her settled back into place. 

“Anything that needs doing between the three factions you speak to Lin, Johnny or Dex.” 

Lin. So her name was Lin. 

Tessa felt that nervous flutter in her belly strengthen the moment she lifted her head and saw Lin looking back. The smile directed her way was… almost gentle. Confident, yes, but softer than Tessa was expecting. 

Her cheeks burned from attempting to keep her own smile at bay, eyes dropping quickly yet again. 

Oh… it seemed the meeting was over. Tessa coughed lightly and made to slip out now that Julius had finished up. Just as she reached a side door, a voice called out to her. 

“I don’t think I’ve seen you before.” 

It was her voice. 

Tessa jolted as she turned around quickly, coming face to face with the unfamiliar general. 

“Y-Yeah… I’m new.” She blurted nervously, mentally berating herself for restating the obvious. Lin bit her bottom lip to hold back her chuckle, watching as the new recruit before her grew increasingly more flustered the longer she stood there. It was kind of cute, she thought, seeing someone react this way. 

“Nice to see more ladies join. Sorry I haven’t met you sooner. Julius has me undercover with the Rollerz to feed intel.” God, where did Julius find her Lin wondered. Something about her was distracting. 

“Explains your outfit standing out.” Tessa joked while keeping her gaze lowered. No, distracting isn’t the word. Captivating… yeah, that felt more accurate. 

Lin arched her brow as she laughed at her observation. She was so cute—and cute was dangerous. But Lin had a thing for dangerous; hence why she was the one undercover while the boys sat safe at home. 

“You’re cute. You be careful out there, though. Wouldn’t want anything to happen to you while I’m gone.” Her voice was taunting, not aggressively so, but it still caused Tessa to glare as she replied. 

“I can hold my own.” Tessa attempted to sound menacing with her reply instead it sounded as if she were pouting, watching as Lin took another step forward, that soft laugh of hers causing the flutter in the pit of her stomach to heighten. 

“So I heard. Johnny filled me in on your canonization.” The smile on her face seemed proud, and Tessa barely bit back the nervous smile that threatened to light up her own face. “But the gangs we’re up against don’t fight with their fists. They prefer heavier artillery.” Lin finished, watching as the new girl’s smile left almost immediately. 

Tessa felt her body stiffen, eyes shutting tightly as she felt her heart racing. A gentle hand on her shoulder caused her to open her eyes, seeing worry in Lin’s features. 

“I also heard from Johnny how Troy and Julius found you.” Lin whispered, genuine concern pouring through. Tessa grit her teeth as she looked away, angrily wiping a tear from her eyes before it fell. She was hoping to not revisit that night but it seemed people talked. Crossing her arms over her chest, Tessa kept her gaze lowered as she tried to calm down, keeping silent while she did so. 

“We ladies have to look out for each other. And the only way I know how is to show you how to defend yourself.” Lin tried again, watching as Tessa’s gaze rose to lock with hers, confusion clear as day. “Think of it as… getting back at the ones who tried to hurt you.” Lin offered easily, but the apprehension within Tessa had yet to budge. 

“I’m not… not the fondest of guns.” She began, fighting to keep her lips from quivering in fear as she replayed that moment again and again of the Vice King that stood above her with his gun pointed her way. Lin cupped her chin gently, her thumb stroking beneath her bottom lip slowly as she brought the two of them eye level yet again. 

“I understand. But out there? The boys won’t always be around and I might be on the other side fighting. You have to know how to look out for you.” Lin’s gaze was so intense, Tessa wanted to break free but instead she succumbed to it quickly, a hesitant nod her only reply. Lin’s smile widened at the action, her hand moving further along her face to cup her entire cheek as her thumb continued it’s gentle strokes to keep her calm. She was laying it on kind of strong but something about the new girl made Lin want to protect her. She was so focused on their interaction that she hadn’t noticed a few of the others looking them over, whispers starting as they wondered what the two of them were talking about so close together. 

Lin was about to say more but her name was called from the other side of the abandoned church. Both women turned to see Johnny standing with his arms over his chest, an evident scowl behind his shades. Lin knew better than to argue with the man when he looked like that, so she distanced herself from the younger woman, hand tracing along her shoulder before falling at her side. 

Just before she left Tessa’s side Lin rushed out the next words, 

“Meet me near the abandoned warehouses on 32nd street. If you’re still okay with me teaching you, that is.” 

Tessa nodded quickly, voice nearly lost in her throat as she coughed a bit to clear it. “Yeah, of course.”

Lin looked around quickly and found a long forgotten hymn book and pen behind one of the undamaged pews. Ripping out a page, she scribbled something on it, folded it twice and placed it in Tessa’s palm, curling their fingers around the jagged piece of paper while she tossed the other two items to the side. 

“This is my cell. Call me when you’re ready.” 

Tessa took the slip of paper and looked along the quickly written characters, trying to find a way to memorize the number sequence as quickly as possible. Looking up, she saw Lin looking her over and smile as she headed over towards Johnny and the others. Tessa nodded again, flustered at so blatantly being checked out by her, a nervous smile curling her lips. Lin gave a half wave, calling over her shoulder one last time to her, 

“See you around then, baby girl.” 


	8. 8.

Tessa had sat on Lin’s number for about a week before she called. The burst of courage came while she was on break at the club, and she didn’t truly know why _then_ of all times she felt the need to respond. She got her voicemail—something she was immensely grateful for—but was called back by Lin a day later with a time to meet her. She had a job to do for the Rollerz that required all her time, so they would meet up in a few weeks when everything had settled down. Finally having a dedicated time to see Lin again amidst the odd jobs the other Saints had her doing _and_ dancing had Tessa feeling a jumble of emotions at once. She was nervous to learn how to handle a gun but even more so to be alone with her. The giddy high she felt at the knowledge was hard to shake, lasting all day and even into the night, evident to all who came across her at the club. 

For those interim few weeks, though, Tessa seemed… different to those around her. The usually soft spoken and polite young woman would challenge things said to her, that sweet smile of hers forced most times whenever she was off the floor. Her shifts were becoming fewer, with some women going a whole week without seeing her. 

Alicia and Onyx in particular noticed how she would smile at her cell when she thought no one was looking; or hell, look at it constantly whenever she wasn’t on the floor. Neither of them could remember when she would be so attached to the damn thing, so her actions now kind of had them curious. They, however, kept their observations between the two of them, not wanting to push her to talk. 

Well, that was the _plan_ anyway. 

“Who got you giggling at your phone like a little lovesick schoolgirl?” Alicia asked, a bit of an edge to her voice she attempted to hide behind her teasing smile. 

Tessa stuck her tongue out as she placed the phone face down on her lap, refusing to answer right away. She figured if she just evaded the question Alicia would drop it. What she didn’t realize was Alicia was at her limit of being patient and tired of dancing around the issue. 

“Aw, c’mon. You can tell us if you have a boyfriend. You know we just nosy.” Alicia tried again, watching as Tessa froze like she was found out just as Onyx spoke up from her seat at the vanity.

“Speak for yo’self, Ali. _I_ can wait until she’s ready to talk on her own.” 

“Bullshit!” Alicia laughed, watching as Onyx turned from the vanity mirror to glare, trying to motion discreetly for the other woman to drop it. Alicia, though, was either unaware or blatantly ignoring her. “You wanna know just as much as I do.” 

“It’s nothing, y’all. Don’t worry about it.” Tessa tried to deflect but then both women were looking at her in disbelief.

“You say that about the lack of shifts you pulling, too. Anything you wanna talk to us about?” Alicia tried again, watching as Tessa shrugged her shoulders while looking back at the screen of her phone the instant a vibration came through. 

“Nah, not really.” The flippant way in which she answered caused Onyx to jolt in surprise and Alicia’s stare to harden. When Tessa looked up after shooting off her text, she saw that neither women were buying what she was saying so she tried to backpedal. “Look, I have another job and sometimes it interferes with dancing at the club; that’s it.” 

“And what _is_ this other job?” Alicia blurted out, missing the exasperated way Onyx looked at the two of them while Tessa shifted in her seat, body language entirely defensive. 

“I don’t hound you for what _you_ do outside of here.” Tessa argued, watching as Alicia’s brow raised in a challenge, mouth setting into a grim line as she got closer. 

“Babes.” Onyx tried to call either of them, but neither woman was hearing her. 

“You also don’t hide shit from us—at least you never did before.” Alicia continued, steps unhurried as she kept her glare focused on Tessa. Tessa sucked her teeth as she threw her phone in the opening of her duffel bag by her feet, all while rolling her eyes. 

“I’m not hiding. It’s just a job. Can you get off my back?” She tried again, her agitation festering as she crossed her arms over her chest. Onyx watched the way Tessa doubled down and how shocked Alicia was to see it, trying in vain to call out to them again. 

“Look, for the past couple of weeks you been acting different. I’m just tryna make sure you good.” Alicia ground out, her much taller form towering over Tessa who remained tensely seated in her chair. 

“Then just _say that_.” Tessa challenged again, finally standing to her full height, that defiant look in her eye not leaving. At that point before Alicia could retaliate Onyx had stepped in the middle, pushing the two of them away from each other as she hissed at them both. 

“Knock it off. Both of y’all acting a damn fool.” 

Both women looked to Onyx seeking sympathy, fixing their mouths to say, “But—“ however Onyx wasn’t finished with them yet. 

“Aht aht! Tessa, baby, you _have_ been acting different. But Alicia, she’s grown; if she don’t wanna talk we can’t make her. Now both of y’all kiss and make up. We ain’t got time for this bullshit tonight.” 

Tessa and Alicia were at a loss for words at how quickly Onyx shut down their little petty argument, her words seeming to snap them out of it and cause the two of them to feel silly. 

“ ‘m sorry Ali.” Tessa said softly, gaze lowered as she fiddled with the fabric of her outfit. Alicia sighed as she pulled her into a rough hug, careful not to smudge the smaller woman’s makeup. She felt Tessa’s arms wrap around her middle, that soft body of hers cuddling right under Alicia’s chin as she did so. 

Onyx smiled from the sidelines, seeing how quickly they were able to squash their shit before it got worse. Popping both of them on their behind, she laughed as they yelped in surprise, dodging their hands as she made her way towards the door. 

“You welcome!” She called back to them, watching as they grumbled at her retreating form. 

As the door closed behind Onyx, the realization that the two of them were alone in the back dawned on Tessa and she coughed lightly to break the silence. “I’m sorry I acted like a brat.” 

“I’m sorry I acted like an ass. I just worry about you; you know that right?” 

Tessa saw the sincerity in her deep brown eyes and smiled, breaking eye contact to burrow deeper in her arms as she nodded. “I know, Ali.” 

“And you know if you in trouble you can call either of us, right?” 

Tessa sighed as she nodded again, watching as Alicia’s body seemed to visibly relax at her acknowledgement. Pulling out of her arms, Alicia smiled her way, heading towards the door to go back to walking her rounds. 

“Alicia?” 

Her hand was on the knob, turning her head slightly to show she was listening to Tessa’s next words. 

“Thank you… for worrying.” 

“Always for you, Tess.” 

Tessa heard how earnestly she had spoken, feeling a shiver crawl up her spine at how raspy her voice sounded in that moment. Before either woman could say more, Alicia ducked out the door, closing it shut softly behind her. 


End file.
